The beginnings of this new year (to be continued…)

January 8, 2017

It’s the first weekend of the year and although I am feeling sluggish, pessimistic, and anxious today, I can’t say the year has not started off well.

Yesterday I managed to fly into Vancouver for dinner with my closest friends and luckily enough also spent quality time with V in the morning  and at night before bedtime.  It was the best of both of my worlds.

During my 5 hours in Vancouver, E and I stole a few minutes of alone time here and there.  Our conversations, however brief, always underscore for me the very powerful connection we share–even if we sometimes go many days or weeks without checking in and long months without face to face time.  Even when we don’t agree, I leave conversations with her feeling emotionally validated, understood, and incredibly cared for.  Yesterday, above all, I was reminded of how fulfilling our friendship can be when I am fully present and open to our experience together.  So often, with many people including E, I find myself entering interactions with my guard up and both mentally and emotionally distracted.  Yesterday was different and I am so grateful.  I hope to strengthen these connections with my loved ones and intentionally have more of these meaningful experiences with them in the upcoming year.

I also want to remind myself of the beauty of having started and ended the day with V …my husband…not just yesterday but many days.  I am not sure I’ve ever referred to him as my husband on this blog, now that I think about it.  Even though I have been relishing my alone time this year since getting married, I know very well that our time together is so precious and can be taken away at any moment.  Some of life’s most precious moments are when I get to crawl into bed into his embrace, or when I get to wrap my legs around him as he continues to snooze into the later morning.   I love our hugs and kisses, mostly early in the morning and just before I sleep.  And I so appreciate the rituals we’ve developed–exchanging gratitude lists every night, him tucking me in nice and tight, and things like grocery shopping trips together on the weekends.  As much as I accustom to feeling lonely so much so that it feels comfortable many days, the mundane feels less dreary with him by my side.  I know it is easy to lose sight of the love between us when we’re caught in routines and schedules and trying to keep life together each day; I hope I can remember every day this year that there is no relationship more important in my life than this one and continue to learn how to treat it as such.

I suppose I could comment on my goals for my career development and other aspects of my socioemotional and personal growth this new year.  But it may need to wait for another time.  I have a list of 25+ new years resolutions around all of this, but in truth, the most important ones do concern my attention and appreciation for my friends and my family, both of which I have spoken to in some way tonight.  I will expand another night.

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