What is Love?

August 3, 2016

This speech is seriously so mind-blowing and the greatest truth I’ve heard in a long time.

Marriage some days feel like a hard, hard struggle.  And there is no where to run.  We committed to this for life.  And that’s it.

So we need to make it work somehow, in some way–whether we like it or not.  That’s how I see it.  There is no option–only learning to be done and compromises to be made.

I think the hardest part for me is this: it is so scary being with someone who holds your heart and soul in their palm…someone who knows the inner pieces of your life so intimately and whom will only continue to do so more over time.

I’m finding myself resisting being known.  I see my flaws and I don’t want him to know it any better than he already does.  I don’t trust that he will hold the vulnerable pieces of my inner being gently and lovingly.  I know in a way that this is normal, but I have always been so self protective that I have so many urges to fight in order to continue growing closer.

I feel stuck in my own inner workings.  Does that make sense?  I feel lonely and yet sometimes I want to be alone so that I can be myself without being watched, evaluated, judged.

If I keep typing, I will find some sort of peace.  That’s what I tell students.  That’s what they practice.  Just write.  Just be with the discomfort.  Watch it.  Feel it.  Maybe even embrace it.

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