14 days, just 14 days…

July 29, 2015

I know I can do this.  I know it will be over soon.  But these days feel so dreadful, long, and exhausting.  Especially with the long-weekend coming up where I’m typically home, at the pride parade or watching the celebration of lights fireworks, I wish I was anywhere but here 😦  This year I’m going to be here, writing, reading, and on my own.

I’ve been feeling down these last couple days.  I’m not sure if it’s because physically I’ve been feeling sick, but my mental space feels messy too.

I’ve been disengaged in class, grumpy in my interactions outside, and sleeping a lot.

And I miss my friends.  I miss laughing with A.  I miss bonding with E.  I miss long conversations over high tea with C.  I miss lunch times with M.  I miss trying new things with L.  I miss lazying around with G.

I remember telling S over text not too long ago that I don’t really dream of living-a-day-in-the-life-of-someone-rich-and-famous.  Despite the road bumps, the windy roads, and the occasional unexpected deer caught in the headlights, I appreciate my life, and I miss it incredibly so right now.

Fucking 14 days.

Ok, D, snap out of it.  Focus, re-focus, do it again.  Re-focus.  Just keep writing, one word at a time. You like to write. You have things to say.  It’s just a paper, just write.  This is just a season.  Like the cherry blossom tree tattooed on your back, remember that flowers will bloom again.  The branches are not always as bare as they are right now.  Don’t succumb to the madness.  Don’t give in, don’t give up.  Just keep going, just keep running.  Forget the distractions, forget the anxieties, forget the worries – be present here.  This is all you have to do right now.  Everything else will be there when you get there, both the good and the bad; let those things wait.     

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