June 16, 2015

GoogleMaps tells me that we are 14,000 kilometers apart, at least…nearly 10,000 miles.  Wifi signals are weak at best and non-existent at worst; and any cell phone reception for phone calls remain only for minutes in some towns outside of the main compound.  We have done our bit of long distance–semi-distance, as we called it–between Kelowna and Vancouver.  But this, between some town in Uganda and Vancouver… this is a new kind of long distance for us and a new kind of madness for me.  Radio silence has never existed between us; not when he was in Las Vegas and not when I was in Albuquerque or Victoria.  For the first time, he is no longer a text or phone call away.  And this was not expected.  Somehow, we had planned for better communication signals. But – I guess what I am learning throughout my relationship with him is this: we just have to accept the hand we are dealt, and make the best of it.  Trust the process, they say. So for the next 32 days (because yes, I am counting!), I am building a toolbox for coping; a copebox.  I will fill it with items that bring me peace, joy, calmness, faith, and trust during my moments of weakness.  I will fill it with items that help me feel strong and loved.  And I will fill it with all the affection I wish I could send him. This will be a work in progress, as many things in love and life are, I suppose.

item-1: quotes

“Courage is knowing what not to fear”  – Plato

“You get tragedy where the tree, instead of bending, breaks”  – Ludwig Wittgenstein

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on” – Herny Havelock Ellis

“Look closely.  The beautiful may be small” – Immanuel Kant

“Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final” – Rilke

“I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other” – Rilke

…to be continued.


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